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there is something in the 
curt conversation
of former lovers--
the sound and sight 
of mourning:

lingering gestures,
cutting eyes
away

trembling lips held 
barely steady with the
tips of teeth

the pain in the heart
is the pain in his jaw
he rubs rubs rubs
till red

raw
eyes
shut
tight

and there is
something in the way
former lovers stand together
outward, facing a burial
like strangers at a funeral



floated in on shower steam
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsouzay:
Souzay Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Student General Artist
"lingering gestures" ...really captures the moment when you still care for someone and fight the instincts to still want to hold that person when you know they're gone. Great poem. Dead on.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think so too.

thank you very much!
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the lines:

trembling lips held
barely steady with the
tips of teeth


I adore your imagery. :heart: It's just so tender and fragile. I love it. :)
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
aw, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome! :)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Student Writer
Ditto :devFuzzyHoser. This is lovely.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you ^^
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Perfectly worded; I never would've looked at what is left in the wake of lost love in this light. Nicely done, Gravity.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ah,thank you very much!
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I like this one.
You're so right, too. It's this sort of awkwardness that isn't like any other...a disheartening thing.

I can picture the male clearly, but maybe you could add in a snippet of imagery for the other lover (female?).

I felt like ending the first stanza with "the sound and sight/of mourning" sounded a little weird. I know it was referencing the bit about conversation before it, but it feels kind of cut off, the way it is phrased. I don't really know.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah, it is very disheartening.

hmm well the third stanza was meant to be the female. from what I've seen, it's usually the women biting their lip to hold back emotion. I suppose it could be read as male but also in the sounds of the stanza, there is a feminine quality to them. should I put in a pronoun?

her trembling lip held
barely steady with the
tips of her teeth


although that reads pretty clumsily to me...

glossed lips held
barely steady with the
tips of teeth


:shrug: I think it is a valid suggestion but I feel satisfied with how it is now.

I see what you mean. I'll add a colon.

thanks for your suggestions ^^
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ohh, I see now.

I like the glossed lips idea, but yeah, adding in more words does make it clumsy, as you say. If you're satisfied, leave it, but you could always add just one pronoun and do less harm. I don't know if that will sound confusing though.


trembling lips held
barely steady with the
tips of her teeth


No problem!
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I thought about only one pronoun as well but I thought it sounded odd because it could be read as her not biting her own lip.
but I will watch out for clarification in imagery in the future.
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I know, that thought ran through my head but I chose open my mouth anyways...^^;
Alright! Case closed, then.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
that's alright ^^
thanks for the suggestions :D
Reply
:iconemilyuniqueworks:
emilyuniqueworks Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013   General Artist
This touched my heart :hug:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
aw, glad it was so affecting :hug:
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Student General Artist
Dang, that's good :) I'd quote from it, but it'd be all of it.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow, thank you! ^^;
Reply
:iconvainamoinenian:
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh this is really well illustrated... beautiful comparisons :)
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you very much ^^
Reply
:iconheartinart:
heartinart Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Like it!
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D glad you do.
Reply
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