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0hgravity

Entropies and Fallouts
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here we go

1 min read

I keep nicking up my hand somehow only to realize it after the hand sanitizer.

hot holy hell fire.


I don't understand how I've gotten so obliviously clumsy.


another cover: https://0h-gravity.tumblr.com/post/641805322068033536/my-cover-of-birmingham-by-shovels-and-rope-hope


not the best recording I've done but well there it is. hope you like it.


hope y'all are hanging in there.


--gravity

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I always cycle through this heavy nostalgia mood for dA heyday. so many good times. I remember when I first started posting on here there was this user who introduced me to the ghost town Pine Point and then a couple years ago I was listening to the PUP album The Dream Is Over which has a song inspired by the town. And every time I listen to the song I think about that person and I wonder if they remember me too. It was a brief acquaintance as they left the site or maybe they just changed usernames I don't know but they were one of the first people to engage with my poetry.


and I think every person I had a connection with on here has something linked to them like that - some piece of music or book or poem or movie or place. and when I see that token of them I remember that person and I want to reach out but I don't; part of that is because they aren't on dA anymore and I don't have any contact info beyond this but for those that I do have the means to reach out and I don't. some doors just close and that's it.


I haven't written much poetry lately. not for lack of trying. I'm writing a story currently but I think it's mostly for me and I think as long as I have that mindset about it I'll finish it. I've thought about gathering up some poems of mine over the years to self-publish because...it'd be nice to finally do something substantial. but I've got so much on my plate right now. job searching and trying to figure out where I want to live for the next who knows how long.


whatever, I have time...theoretically.


some year's end stuff, some art I enjoyed:

Album: Hannah by Lomelda

Movie: A Ghost Story

TV: The Haunting of Hill House

Book: Borne by Jeff VanderMeer


Happy Holidays


--gravity

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I can't seem to make my own original content so in the meantime here's a cover:

https://0h-gravity.tumblr.com/post/631813639421247488/this-was-probably-one-of-the-hardest-songs-ive


yeah, I'm still making those


hope all is well


--gravity

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well it's finally reached me. yesterday, after a seemingly endless work day. hearing the strains and aches of the system and of every human all around. after all my sighing and sighing and sighing. and just as I am escaping from the hellish place I am stopped and faced with a mirror of such...devastation, my soul could not bear it. I managed it well enough that she could not see it then. under the mask and through the goggles. I managed it. and when I departed, I rushed through the hall because the tears were there and they were not going away. the heaviness would not leave me until it had indeed bore itself out. the single stall bathroom was unoccupied. a small mercy.


and I finally sobbed. everything in me. all of it. the youth of it. the brutal end of it. the slightest hope fighting against snuffing out. the futility.


the futility.


please god. don't let him die.


I say all this for catharsis. I don't mind so much to be heard. I've carried it since yesterday and it is making me ill. so I'm telling it broadly. to let it free. I know even still I will continue on carrying this. part of me feels weak. as if it is unreasonable to be this rattled. not my family after all. I wish I could be so removed. but I am here and I am feeling with every part of me.

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hey

1 min read

sorry I've been away for so long. work has been kind of crazy. 12-14 hour days with 4 days off a month is just kind of brutal and doesn't leave any time to really stay up to date even with basic self-care.


I'll start trying to catch up around here as I can.


what's new with y'all?


hope everyone is doing well.


--gravity

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